“Do I look gay enough?”

As a sidenote, I have been doing exceptionally well in the “break the stereotypes” from-not-to-hot journey. This is my 10th day of eating healthy and I am starting to definitively lose my excess weight, and wearing cuter clothes. Wish me luck!
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“Do I look gay enough?” This is a question I found myself asking a lot when I started to realize my sexuality. And…why? Because I wanted lesbians to know, I was one of them!. I wanted to be able to walk by and have them instantly know, “Oh, she’s definitely gay!”.

But that was then. Now, after a long journey of self-realization and acceptance, I finally came to learn, (as I have said in my previous post and would like to repeat here), there is more than one way to be a woman. (Or should I say, womyn?) Part of me trying to break these stereotypes does not only include our perceptions of other womyn, but also about ourselves.

Why do we feel we must be obviously gay? Alright, I need to re-word that. Some lesbians (and gay men) naturally dress in such a way that fits their personality-a butch womyn may prefer to wear shirts that highlight her relaxed attitude or stronger physique. An effeminate gay may just feel more comfortable in skinny jeans or women’s tops. And that is fine, in fact, great!! Because it means that these people are choosing to be true to themselves despite what society tells them they should be.

But what about those womyn who feel the need to go out of their way to change their physical appearance to seem more masculine, when they may not inherently feel comfortable that way? A few weeks ago I found a poster at the AfterEllen.com forum asking for ways to “butch herself up”.

AfterEllen.com: “How to Butch myslef up?”

WAIT right there! Isn’t that the whole point of the gay rights movement? That we work hard and fight hard against politicians and the religious right to be ourselves?

I am interested in your opinion readers, because I think this topic is still alive and pertinent to the gay community today in a very visible manner. I look forward to your comments! =)

My logic on the subject is this. As a gay woman myself, I don’t instantly become attracted to someone who I know is a lesbian, unless they already have something about them that attracts them to me. Sure, I love seeing a butch woman or a LGBT pride pin-it means I know I am not the sole womyn in this town! I feel like there is a larger community, and I’m proud. But “butching” yourself up to “look more gay” doesn’t attract me to you. I am attracted to women because of their sweet and loving personality, their tenderness and their love and concern. I don’t necessarily just go for the first thing that crosses my path.

So do I feel the need to “look more gay”? No! Do I want to be out? Of course. I look forward to being more open about my sexuality because it means that I am being true to myself and will perhaps be able to meet more womyn. But do I necessarily want to “look” gay? No way. I want to look like me. I want to be me! And if a woman loves me for that, I think I’m doing okay. =)

-Megan

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